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Monthly Archives: August 2012

Aug 29 2012

Cat Marnell, Metaphor for Capitalism?

Cat Marnell is a dust-smoking suicidal narcissist downtown swinger beauty columnist.(1) Cat Marnell is helpless, addicted, dependent, and victimized.(2) Cat Marnell’s writing is raw, riveting, and not at all derivative.(3) Cat Marnell is in love with her own damage.(4) Cat Marnell was xoJane’s most read and commented-on writer.(5) Cat Marnell is a person before she’s a girl.(6) Cat Marnell resents how reduced the world of women is.(7) Cat Marnell has death instincts.(8) Cat Marnell washes her hair in the bathtub like Tinsley Mortimer.(ibid) Cat Marnell smells like acid rain.(9) Cat Marnell’s Whitney Houston piece was better than yours.(10)

Cat Marnell is a metaphor for capitalism?

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Aug 20 2012

Emma Watson, Halfheartedly Slayed by a Bored Writer

I have maintained for years that I’m secretly 42. Maybe by now it’s 53. The other day I looked down to discover that I was dressed like a middle-aged woman trying to dress youthfully. I spell out entire words in text messages, and I am dismayed by voice-activated phone menus, which I find fundamentally undignified. I accidentally type Google searches into my email, like an old person. I am disconcerted by the pleasure I take in the songs they play at Whole Foods.

As a giant curmudgeon, I’m sympathetic to the genre of irritable articles in which the olds act dismissive of the youngs, awesomely exemplified most recently by John Cook’s hilarious series of Girls recaps for Gawker.

But Will Self’s profile of Emma Watson, a.k.a. Hermione Granger in the Harry Potter movies, in Sunday’s T magazine just felt like a long series of potshots. Self’s barbs had little to do with Watson herself, except for his bizarre characterization of the actress as some sort of prematurely sexual adult-child (she’s a 22-year-old woman!) via pseudo-Nabokovian references to her “Meissen china ears furled tightly against her tiny little Meissen china head,” her sharp-lipped moue, her neotony.

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